I generally keep a very low profile in the BDSM scene. I’ve never been keen on “appearances”, fawning entourages, or assaulted by eagerness to attend the opening of an envelope. I haven’t been to a fetish club in ages and I don’t seek that fake demi-celebrity status that being a pro-Domme seems to give you as soon as you have a shop window in the internet. I do enjoy private play aprties (specially those organized by myself), but in general, i am a private kinkster.
In ten years as a professional Dominatrix, I’ve been approached by the media on a good number on occassions. Sometimes for TV, sometimes for magazines. They all introduce themselves with the same story: “we are working on a feature that will present BDSM/kink/sexuality/professional domination form a different angle, in a different, more sympathetic light, to a wider audience. We are very interested in your opinion, your experience, your point of view, because it’s not the archetypal whips and chains shocker setting”. I’ve always declined.
Eventually, another Pro-Domme/s I know or know about, agrees to work with them. The results are always the same. Because the TV or magazine/newspapers have the last say in the editing of the final product, the pro-Domme is presented in a way that she wasn’t intending. I gave up long ago on the hope of using these opportunities as a platform to be heard and to dispel myths. They twist and re-interpret your voice to their onw end and aenda (wow, th media do that? No crap, Mistress!”, I hear you say :)). They rarely end up manufacturing the product they promised to you. As I heard Zoe Margolis saying the other day at the Eroticon 2013 Conference, the media always has the upper hand. One reason is because the people who approach us, are outsiders to BDSM. They say they know nothing about our world and want us to present it in our own words, but that’s a fallacy. They may not nothing of its reality, but they have an opinion and mental image, before they even contact me. And this fictional idea of BDSM as whips and chains for freaks, always prevails, it’s usually a very stereotypical view that triumphs.
In my opinion, TV and the media are simply bread and circus, nothing more. they aren’t interested in “whowing your world in a sympatheitc light”. They are only interested in their shock hungry audiences and we kinky people, are perfect victims to throw into the lion’s jaws.
And the stereoype is what is going to prevail. When the interview goes into the editing room or page, they invariably choose what sounds familiar, what seems to make sense with a popular misconceptions of Pro-fessionsl Dominance, kink, or BDSM. The media want to reassure their public, not to challenge it. Every time someone else accepted to be on TV or a amgazine, that’s how they came acroiss.
This time, however, and after meeting with the producers for a real life meeting, it felt a little different. I’m probablyjust being naive, but I decided to give them the benefit of the doubt. so I’ve said yes to collaborating on a TV program on “alternative sexualities” – yes, tentatively- to a project for a major TV channel. They want me to be some sort of :expert consultant” on a feature about kidnapping fetishes. I’ve been doing a bit of that lately with The Femdom Bloc and yes, I think I know my stuff. But do they know theirs? So I’ve decided to take the plunge and say yes. Even if I have veto over the final script, I know I hae no veto over the final edited product. so fingers crossed.
Next time you see another cliche ridden program on those freaky kinky people on TV, who knows, it may partly be my fault. Blame Ms Tytania for selling out to the paps.
Click on the image to find out more about our bespoke kidnapping scenes.