ACTIVISM

50 Shades of Censorship

I was interviewed by Isabella Smith for an article on the 50 Shades phenomenon and hypocrisy, in light of the current wave of censorship. I am quoted on a few occasions, but the whole article is well worth a read:

“This movie is responsible for the most streamed trailer of 2014. At the height of its not-easily-understated popularity, the book on which it is based prompted a run on whips and handcuffs (and a 78 per cent increase in sales) at Ann Summers. This is not your ordinary V-day schmaltz.

Fifty Shades of Grey is a story about a 21 year old virgin falling desperately in love with a wealthy young entrepreneur with a “burning smoky gaze”, who proceeds to buy her a MacBook and a car, hoping to convince her she should sign away her ability to consent to being flogged, gagged and genitally clamped.

Funny then, that on December 2 last year, Parliament introduced the Audiovisual Media Services Act 2014 (AMSA), which banned UK studios from making porn depicting many of the sex acts that made 2012 the most saturated summer ever for the bikini bottoms of sun lounger bound, Kindle-toting mums.”

Full article here: 50 Shades of Censorship – Artefact Magazine, London.


With Backlash at the London Fetish Fair

I’ll be manning a stall for Backlash UK today, January 11th 2015, at the London Fetish Fair. I’ll be handing out leaflets, talking to people and answering, to my best knowledge, your questions regarding ATVOD, the AVMS legislation (aka Porn Ban Law), etc, etc. and of course, we will be accepting donations. Come and help us fund our many cases defending freedom of sexual expression and anti censorship campaigns.


This anti-porn Law is the new Clause 28

It’s been a challenging, but electrifying last few weeks since the AVMS (Audio Visual and Media Services) Regulations came into force on December 1st. I found the whole experience inspiring and invigorating: I’ve been asexual freedoms activist with Backlash UK for years, so it was great to get a voice, go mainstream, and come out demanding acceptance, respect and tolerance, from a government tht seems formed by little schoolboys who are stills cared of the girls.

I wrote an article on Sex and Censorship, a sexual freedoms group, comparing the way normally apolitical groups, such as porn producers and the kink scene, found a voice when feeling persecuted and united to protest and resist. This phenomenon reminded me of Thatcher’s infamous Clause 28, that politicised an otherwise largely hedonistic, apolitical group, reinvigorating the gay movement instead of silencing it, as the Clause tried to do.

“Section 28 of the Local Government Act 1988 banned the promotion, and even the discussion in schools, of homosexuality as a valid form of family relationship. It used the predictable argument of protecting children from harm. But as is often the case, the legislators were twenty years behind the times and unprepared for an urban, unclosetted gay community that was proud of its nascent culture, articulate and ready for battle. According to the papers of the day, lesbians abseiled into the House of Lords; gay activists crashed into the BBC Studios and highjacked the news. It was claimed that:putting Clause 28 through parliament was one of the greatest promotions of homosexuality we have ever seen.” “

Read the full article here: This anti-porn Law is our Clause 28


An Interview with Zoe Williams – Full Transcript

This is the transcript of the whole interview I did with Zoe Williams in December 2014. My replies were used for an article published on The Guardian, but the full replies were of course much more involved on my part. Here is her piece: BOUND AND GAGGED: THE WOMEN URGED TO A REPEAL OF THE PORN LAWS, from December 5th 2014.

As is usually the case, media articles end up sing only a very small percentage of what you say. I thought that the whole text in its integrity deserved to be put in the public domain and added to the current debate on UK laws hat ban certain forms of sexual acts and clamp down on independent fetish film makers.

With permission from Zoe Williams. Thank you for your support and for being an ally.

-On these new rules: some people are saying they’re anti-women, can you give me your view on that? Do they seem to you to show a squeamishness around female sexuality that they don’t show around male?

These new rules do indeed focus on forms of sexual expression that are common among minority sexualities “AS” well as among women. They are all activities that undermine or question hegemonic notions, so prevalent in mainstream porn, that put male desire at the top of a sexual hierarchy.It shows a denial of female sexual power and agency. We’ve been told for the last few years, courtesy of the 50 Shades phenomenon, that now it’s ok for women to express themselves sexually… but only as long as they still respect traditional gender roles where women are subservient to men. In other words: being a spanking-loving nymphette is ok, but sexually dominant women are continuously misinterpreted, banalised and silenced in media and culture. The current legislation reinforces this cultural taboo.I think that the ATVOD executives must have been shocked and disgruntled like your archetypal Daily Mail reader, when they discovered this world populated by hundreds of femdom websites, specialising in the most niche sexual preferences, most of them produced by women. And that the female producers and performers behind this type of porn were enthusiasts, proud of their work and of their specialities. I have no doubt that after my website won its appeal to Ofcom, they must have thought: “right, we have to put those women back in their place”. To curb and tame this show of demonic, rampant, aggressive, female sexual energy that is Femdom (Female Dominance). ATVOD tried to bully me with sexual shame and fear, trying to make me believe that I was doing something that is dangerous and harmful for society (and for the children, of course). I don’t know any Femdom producer who is ashamed of what she does. We are, in general, very proud of our technical skills and our intuition to understand sexual desires that often dare not tell their name.

– To get a bit more background for the piece, the case you took on and won this year, did that cost you a lot of money? Were you awarded costs? Did you feel that it was a good outcome for you in the end? I’m surprised that the ruling for you doesn’t apply to other small porn studios, can you shed any light on that?

There wasn’t a court case. We simply appealed to Ofcom against ATVOD’s determination, that my website The Urban Chick Supremacy Cell was a TV on Demand service, comparable to, and in direct competition with, TV services like Netflix or BBC iPlayer. The UC-SC is an independent Femdom fetish video website, with over 12 hours of videos, and many photo galleries, that adults can access by subscription.There were no courts involved, but I decided to close down my website for over a year, with its subsequent loss of revenue, until things were resolved. Bear in mind that ATVOD’s way to make websites comply is through ATVOD’s notorious Rule 11 (quote):

i. BREACH OF RULE 11 (Harmful Material: protection of under-18’s) in relation to subscription material: COMPLAINT UPHELD

The breach constitutes an infringement of the statutory requirement set out in section 368E (2) of the Act which states that “If an on-demand programme service contains material which might seriously impair the physical, mental or moral development of persons under the age of eighteen, the material must be made available in a manner which secures that such persons will not normally see or hear it.”.

Under the pressure of being accused of deliberately exposing children to “harmful” material (even though the content is always hidden behind a paywall), many small indy studios like mine closed down. I have been an activist, campaigning with sexual freedom campaigners Backlash UK, since 2008. So I decided to fight back, to challenge this determination that I had to comply with terrestrial and online TV channels’ regulations. We used three solicitors, but some of them worked for us pro-bono, and others were paid thanks to donations from our supporters, many of them from the alternative, fetish and LGBTQ scenes and communities.

– Can you expand a bit on your point about internet freedom, that is, how you think these moves could reach into general freedom on the net?

I believe that, to quote [my solicitor] Myles Jackman, the adult industry is “the canary in the coal mine”. The government isn’t interested in the children nor in protecting vulnerable women. What they are worried about is of potential new Wikileaks, or of the future Edward Snowdens, because they are there, somewhere.That’s why these AVMS (Audiovisual and Media Services) regulations are so absurd. They serve no other purpose than to test censorship and to clamp down the free information exchange that is the internet. You won’t win voters by telling them that they can’t have a free internet, that its open access to knowledge is dangerous for us, peasants. But “think of he children” is a guaranteed crowd pleaser. The problem for our current rulers is that, with the child sex ring scandal at Parliament level looming over their heads, their former gullible voters have started to see through it all. We already know too much.And for the record: this legislation isn’t about specific ideologies. The Tories have approved this latest legislation, but it was the previous Labour Government that, in early 2008, passed the Section 63 of the CJIA 2008, aka the Extreme Porn Law. (Please check: http://www.backlash-uk.org.uk/the-law/). The conservatives appeal to family & tradition, the more liberal, to outmoded feminist ideas of women as victims of men, that should have died in the 80’s.

-What do you think is the most ridiculous thing about the new legislation?

That it is a legislation at all. The list of unconnected, gratuitious sexual activities banned make no sense at all, unless, as it’s the current consensus, you read them as a mysoginistic vision of female sexuality, written by school boys who are still scared of the girls. The chaotic, demonic female sexual energy must be suppressed at all costs! These are politicians, people in positions of power, who know nothing about the internet or about sex, for that matter.

– Did you feel that it was a good outcome for you in the end? 

Yes. I am a woman and a foreign immigrant in this country. I am used to be seen as the underdog, the pushover. ATVOD’s bullying tactics on their letters angered me. They want to cower you with shame and guilt. I didn’t expect such a resound victory of a little independent porn studio, against the state. But I also couldn’t foresee that solicitors and activists would rally to support me and offer their help. All they asked me was if I did mind that my real name would appear in the public domain. I am not closeted. My website, The Urban Chick Supremacy Cell, is, as well as a porn website, an art project where my concerns about sexuality, identity, gender and politics crystallised. I am very proud of what I do. I have a background in art, I went to art college. I think that I make porn because I went to Goldsmiths College. So yes, getting my baby back is the best thing that’s happened in a very long time.I’m surprised that the ruling for you doesn’t apply to other small porn studios, can you shed any light on that?OFCOM’s  ruling does not set a precedent, they’ll rule on a case by case basis. Which means that the studios who decide to fight back, will have to do it like we did, not knowing what would happen. I think that my ruling could have gone one way or the other. They decided that I was too small, but I was giving them enough of a headache. Our report challenging point by point why they were wrong or unlawful, was 11 pages long. Three of them were a reply from me to Pete Johnson. CEO of ATVOD who had had the temerity to suggest that my website, contrary to my claims, wasn’t art. That is what every art school kid wants: a platform to answer the aged,question: “yes, but is it art?” I gave him a 1,000 word essay on contemporary art tendencies.

– tell me a bit more about Backlash, what it campaigns for, how it works?

Backlash UK’s website

I started volunteering for Backlash back in early 2008, when the CJIA 2008 was passed, banning the possession of ‘extreme pornographic material”. My involvement in the fetish scene in London awoke my political conscience, and also reignited my interest in feminism. As a self-employed professional dominatrix, who, due to obsolete laws regarding brothels and ‘disorderly houses”, has to work alone, I have always relied on mutual aid and solidarity among my community, to survive. I think that sexual identity and self-awareness have been, for me at least, essential eye openers to the world around me and Backlash defend sexual freedom not only on the internet, but also in cases of work tribunal, family courts and other cases were people have bee discriminated against because of their sexual orientation. This new legislation discriminates against representations of minority or niche sexualities, such as Femdom or BDSM.

APPENDIX – About Backlash UK:

We are an all volunteer organisation made up of a few legal specialists and academics with an interest in free expression, as well as people who have experience working in sex work and porn production. It was started in 2006, to oppose the ban on ‘extreme pornography’ that was brought into law in 2009 and has helped organise the defence of people who have been prosecuted for engaging or watching consensual adult sex acts. In recent years, we have expanded our remit to those whose professional lives have been threatened by having their sex lives ‘outed’ to employers, be it for being as BDSM practitioners in their private lives or sex workers.

 


At the XBiZ EU Adult Industry Conference

Turning the tide? Internet Censorship in UK panel (click on image to view the whole discussion)

On September 27th 2014, I was invited to take part on a panel discussion about internet censorship in UK and specifically, to talk about my own experience as an adult studio reported to ATVOD. The event was XBiz EU, an adult industry Conference.

I am, to this date, the only adult studio who has fought back ATVOD’s

I volunteer for Backlash UK, an organisation that defends freedom of sexual expression and we offer legal, academic and campaigning advice. That’s how I learnt that I was unfairly and unlawfully reported.

Meanwhile, many more adult studios have been reported to ATVOD. If you have an adult website and have been reported and would like to seek advice and legal help, Backlash can help you. Email our expert solicitors, who are the only one who specialise in sexuality, obscenity and the adult industry.

Alternatively, donate to Backlash. We rely on donations and on your generosity, to win our cases. Thank you.


How Backlash UK helped me beat ATVOD’s bullying

I am a professional Dominatrix and Femdom video producer who, as some of you already know, was targeted by ATVOD last year. After a long year battle against this dodgiest of UK quangos and their racketeering tactics and bullying, they withdrew their determination that I was a TV on demand service, in direct competition with the likes of BBC iPlayer. I only won my battle thanks to Backlash’ legal advise and their indefatigable solicitors. Please read on, share, and most important, donate to Backlash so they can carry on defending freedom of sexual expression.

Dominatrix wins David and Goliath battle against regulators

Do you produce and publish adult online videos in the United Kingdom? have you already been targeted by ATVOD? if so, please read this, share, comment, and help me raise awareness among the fetish community in UK.
As many of you who are my friends and fans know, I have been fighting a year long battle against ATVOD’s determinations for a long year. I only received Ofcom’s decision that my members’ Femdom website The Urban Chick Supremacy Cell, was not a TV on Demand service, in direct competition with (will you believe it?), BBC iPlayer, Sky, and the like.

They have been specially nasty in decimating Femdom themed websites. Apparently, women’s sexual agency is specially dangerous, or abhorrent, to them.

It was only possible thanks to Backlash’s offering to represent me legally to unravel the very twisted, very anti-porn ATVOD agenda. They operate with a mixture of threats that one thought only existed in a Scorsese film, and putting a spin to existing laws, where they make you sound as if you are breaking the law by providing adult videos behind a pay-wall. To top it all and to ensure that you will obey, they suggest that your ‘service” is deliberately allowing children to view your adult content. Because that’s what porn producers do, peddle smut to the children.

Let’s censor, clamp down and regulate the internet! When I first received ATVOD’s initial extortion letter, demanding a fee and suggesting that I was in breach of the OPA (Obscene Publications Act), and pimping porn to children, I thought it was an hoax. Their claims and accusations are so ridiculous, I had to double check with a lawyer. So I contacted Backlash, who quickly spotted ATVOD’s malicious game, bent on closing down the perfectly legal UK adult video industry.

But while I present battle, dozens of studios closed down in fear of such accusations. Not one of them fought back, and to my knowledge, not other adult studio has won in their appeals to ATVOD. They are very successful at instilling fear in us, making us believe that we are shady, almost criminal industry that operates illegally and has nor regard for minors, its performers, or ethics. They think we feel guilty and have sexual shame.

There is nothing to be ashamed of. Stand up if you are an adult producer or performer in UK. If you have been targeted by ATVOD, contact Backlash’s legal team

This has been a great triumph for anti-censorship and to preserve freedom of information on the internet. Remember that the UK government are only using porn and the “think of the children!” moral panic, to clamp down on all freedom of information on the internet. Their goal is to clamp down free access to information and communication in UK. Their aim is to censor.

Here is also, one of my solicitor’s account of the case, on the Backlash website: Dominatrix beats ATVOD into submission

So whether you are a UK adult content producer, an adult performer, a user or a person who believes in freedom of the internet and respect of alternative sexualities, donate to Backlash UK generously.

But we need to carry on fighting. ATVOD’s last letter, discharging my website, UC-SC, had still an ominous coda where they warned that as and if regulations may change, I might fall foul of their agenda again. A caution o let me know that they are working hard at destroying UK adult industry. Because this is their one and only real agenda.

They’ll be back. I won my battle, but we haven’t still won the war against censorship. So please support Backlash UK, the only organisation who actively fights freedom of sexual expression and artistic freedom on the internet.


Bespoke Kidnappings on Bizarre Magazine!

I’ve been very quiet of late, here, due to horrid, headache-worthy technical problems and bugs plaguing my website. I almost forgot to say that our Bespoke Kidnapping Services, undertaken with the help of my kinky comrade in arms, Ms Slide Rules You, featured in Bizarre Magazone. Clock on the photo to go to the page and read the full article, itnerview, and testimonials form our kidnapped specimens.

Also, go to UNDERGROUND – Bespoke kidnapping, interrogation and waterboarding session. And have you heard of pissboarding? Yes, we do that too.


Ms Tytania in the media

I generally keep a very low profile in the BDSM scene. I’ve never been keen on “appearances”, fawning entourages, or assaulted by eagerness to attend the opening of an envelope. I haven’t been to a fetish club in ages and I don’t seek that fake demi-celebrity status that being a pro-Domme seems to give you as soon as you have a shop window in the internet. I do enjoy private play aprties (specially those organized by myself), but in general, i am a private kinkster.

In ten years as a professional Dominatrix, I’ve been approached by the media on a good number on occassions. Sometimes for TV, sometimes for magazines. They all introduce themselves with the same story: “we are working on a feature that will present BDSM/kink/sexuality/professional domination form a different angle, in a different, more sympathetic light, to a wider audience. We are very interested in your opinion, your experience, your point of view, because it’s not the archetypal whips and chains shocker setting”. I’ve always declined.

Eventually, another Pro-Domme/s I know or know about, agrees to work with them. The results are always the same. Because the TV or magazine/newspapers have the last say in the editing of the final product, the pro-Domme is presented in a way that she wasn’t intending. I gave up long ago on the hope of using these opportunities as a platform to be heard and to dispel myths. They twist and re-interpret your voice to their onw end and  aenda (wow, th media do that? No crap, Mistress!”, I hear you say :)). They rarely end up manufacturing the product they promised to you. As I heard Zoe Margolis saying the other day at the Eroticon 2013 Conference, the media always has the upper hand. One reason is because the people who approach us, are outsiders to BDSM. They say they know nothing about our world and want us to present it in our own words, but that’s a fallacy. They may not nothing of its reality, but they have an opinion and mental image, before they even contact me. And this fictional idea of BDSM as whips and chains for freaks, always prevails, it’s usually a very stereotypical view that triumphs.

In my opinion, TV and the media are simply bread and circus, nothing more. they aren’t interested in “whowing your world in a sympatheitc light”. They are only interested in their shock hungry audiences and we kinky people, are perfect victims to throw into the lion’s jaws.

And the stereoype is what is going to prevail. When the interview goes into the editing room or page, they invariably choose what sounds familiar, what seems to make sense with a popular misconceptions of Pro-fessionsl Dominance, kink, or BDSM. The media want to reassure their public, not to challenge it. Every time someone else accepted to be on TV or a amgazine, that’s how they came acroiss.

This time, however, and after meeting with the producers for a real life meeting, it felt a little different. I’m probablyjust being naive, but I decided to give  them the benefit of the doubt. so I’ve said yes to collaborating on a TV program on “alternative sexualities” – yes, tentatively- to a project for a major TV channel. They want me to be some sort of :expert consultant” on a feature about kidnapping fetishes. I’ve been doing a bit of that lately with The Femdom Bloc and yes, I think I know my stuff. But do they know theirs? So I’ve decided to take the plunge and say yes. Even if I have veto over the final script, I know I hae no veto over the final edited product. so fingers crossed.

Next time you see another cliche ridden program on those freaky kinky people on TV, who knows, it may partly be my fault. Blame Ms Tytania for selling out to the paps.

Click on the image to find out more about our bespoke kidnapping scenes.

 


EROTICON 2013

I’ve just been invited to take part in a panel discussion on blogging for sex workers, at the forthcoming EROTICON 2013. A conference for people who write sex blogs. There seems to be a lot of interest in women, specially, writing about their sex lives, and to be even more precise, on women’s submission on the written page. No prizes for guessing that this sudden interest owes a lot to the 50 Shades of Grey phenomenom. There are so many blogs, many of them excellent, written by women who explore their sexualities and anlyse them, that I wouldn’t know where to start to recommend the best ones. it’s no wonder that a conference is organized, for the second year running, to discuss this and to help bloggers meet each other. We live online too much, I think!

I w2as pleased to be invited, because there are a lot of lifestyle women invited to the conference, but a conspicuous absence of professional sex workers. As if it was assumed that we are only interested in doing our thang, then go home and count our money. without a need to stop and ponder about our career, which takes up so much time in our lives, that that teaches us and others so much. Yes, escorts and dominatrices write blogs too.

 

I’m pondering on what it is I’m going to talk about. First of all, that I rite blogs to reach a type of client that will feel more satisfied by a Domme who sounds real and multi-faceted, multidimensional, not just a fantasy in latex. This aproach attracts clients whose company and sessioning I enjoy for more reasons than just the fact that they contribute to my livelihood. LIke minded play partners make for amazaingly awesome sessions.

Playing is a two way thing. When I feel there is no connection, it;s a one way street. i feel that I’m giving and giving, trying to read my sub’s mind, and getting nothing in return.

 

My best sessions, I’ve had them with people who followed me here, or on Twitter, or on the occasional BDSM forum. They are intrigued by the person behind the mask. I am also interested in the real person behind the paying client.

So once again, I guess that I’m going to find myself explaining how, despite this being my job, i try to get more than just hard cash from it. That all the technological advances and online platforms available, area tool to reach not only a wide audience, but to narrow it down to those who feel an empathy with me. To cast my wide net, to become more accurate and precise, in a way.

 

It’s a shame that most blogs written form a male sub;’s point of view, are in general fantasies and Femdom fiction, or simply, lyrical flattery of specific favourite Dommes. You rarely read about their experiences, emotions, how they feel. is it perhaps a female thing? I’definitely would love to read more about what goes on inside a sub’s head. I hear about it in session, in my pre and post session talk. But it would benefit male subs no end, if they write more about themselves and helped dispel negative myths about male submission.


God forbid, a Pro-Domme who does it for – gasp! Money!

Once again, the itchy subject of Pro-Dommes and money raises its guilty, sex-ashamed head on a forum, this time on the forum where I’m myself a moderator, PDUK. The question was: yes Mistress, we all know you looooove our work, but what if one in a lifetime, you found yourself between a rock and hard place and have to accept one session, just one, for money rhather than compatibility? Say, you have had a slow week?

Some subs really fear that we may do something less than goddessly every now and then that wipes us off our golden pedestal. That we may actually need the money, like lesser mortals. Some subs are always putting us to the test, between a rock and a hard place, to see if we are are “authentic” as we apparently claim to be. But God forbid if we say that some subs may only want to see us to have a fancy wank, not out of pure, undiluted worship of The Female!

Anyway, I’m digressing. This was the sub’s “between a rock & a hard place” type of question:

To take my (I accept mostly hypothetical) scenario a bit further. If it got to the point where you had to make a choice between continuing with your current regulars plus a few that you would prefer not to be sessioning with and giving it up completely what would you do?

… and here is my reply (actually, 2 of them):

That’s a hypothetical question and therefore, impossible to answer truthfully, unless we were faced with the dilemma in real life. But I’ll make an informed guess, based on my experience.”The worng subs” are labelled that because they are generally men who don’t like women, they hate their kink and feel shame, they are selfish and they see us as service providers. This is just a handful of classic reasons, off the top of my head, There are more. These people undermine our dignity. They make us feel like whores, in the negative sense of the word. We are their whores, a special, lesser type of woman. No death before dishonor here, more like the dole before mental illness.

“a few that you would prefer not to be sessioning with”, are subs we’d prefer not to see for very good reasons. I don’t think any of us here are fickle little madams who say No with the only purpose of showing how Dommely we are.

Unless you were a Mistress yourself, coolsub, you can’t imagine how hard it is to see the wrong people. It depletes your energy, it depresses you, it turns a great thing, BDSM, into a job. No, worse than that: a demeaning job. And one that still demands a lot of closeness and energy. We aren’t separated from our clients by a shop desk. We enter their heads, sometimes their body, very intimately. The exchange, as you know, is very intimate. To do that day in and day out with half a clientele you’d rather not see, would be horrible. I’d probably give up, despite my lovely regulars, because I’m sure I’d burn out.

Second reply:

Some subs wonder about the “purity” of our motivations all the time. They fear that we might give the mundane question of money over vocation a thought. So they probe us to make sure that we remain in high ivory towers, that we never need to step down from to go to Tesco.

But the reality is that we aren’t mythical Vestal Priestesses of kink, untouched by any reality other than our fickle dominant wills. We are real, self-employed women in a very tough and often, unforgiving and judgemental scene. Judgement comes from fellow Mistress and from our clients too. We aren’t saints, we try to conduct our business in the best possible way. That may include compromising at times. It’s only when one does more compromising than pleasure, that I’d question the validity of the model.

We have survived because we are realistic and pragmatic, and crated a balance that keeps us ticking. Does that make us impure? I suspect that this fear comes from some clients’ own sense of sexual guilt, they’d hate to discover that they are sessioning with a money-oriented Jezabel. That’s why some want to believe that we are untouched by the grit of the world, hardly “real” women, but spiritual entities. I’m definitely not one of those, I’m complex and contradictory. So what? Sorry to disappoint.


Can the real Ms Tytania please stand up?

Now, I’m not in the habit of kissing and telling and I think that stuff between a Mistress and a sub should stay private. But today’s exchange on sms form (and here is the reason why I normally refuse to engage in it), deserves exposing and sharing with the blogosphere, for sheer idiocy. A good example of the lunacy that we Mistresses are exposed to on a regular basis, and we so often moan about.

I booked an appointment with a new sub, some time next week at 3.30. I told him that we might have to change times slightly as I share the rubber studio in Camden and it may be in use right then. He agrees to wait till I text back to confirm time availability. I am then asked by the studio owner if we can change the appointment to 2.30.

So I text the sub asking him if he would mind coming at 2.30 instead. His reply:

Rubber Guy: Are you teasing me?

Me: No, please don’t misunderstand me. I share the Camden studio. I’m trying not to clash with the other person’s appointment. I hope you understand!

Rubber Guy: Yes I understand. Are you the same Ms T that posts on IC?

Me: Yes, Ms Tytania. We spoke on the phone earlier.

Rubber guy: Good. I’ve admired your photographs for ages!

At this point, I am the one who fears is being taken for a ride, so I’m careful and polite:

Me: Thank you. Please rest assured that I’m not leading you on, simply having trouble booking the studio. Is monday @ 2.30 possible? I don’t want to rush the session.

Rubber Guy: you are not Ms T!

Me: I am, and I’m trying to change the time of an appointment next monday. Do I have the right number? Is your name Xyz?

Rubber Guy: yes, but you are not quite as eloquent as Ms T.

Me: How eloquent do you expect anyone to be on a sms? And who else do you think would know details of our talk earlier? Please call me to discuss session time. Thank you.

Rubber Guy: Sorry I do not understand.

I take a deep breath and reply:

Me: Did you book a session with me this afternoon, to take place on monday @3.30?

Rubber Guy: Yes I did! And I will honour that agreement.

Me: I asked you if we cld meet @2.30 instead, to avoid overlapping with the other studio user, and to have plenty of time.

Rubber Guy: But I remember you as a sharp cookie

At this point, I facepalm. From the heart.

Tytania “Sharp Cookie” Gonzales: Dear Sub Xyz: I am trying to conduct my business professionally, not showing off or being clever.

Rubber Guy: Why?

I have no time to reply before he texts me again:

Rubber Guy: I’m sorry, i will have to cancel. I do not think you are Ms T.

Tytania “Sharp Cookie” Gonzales:: Whose number do you think this is? It’s on my website. Email me if you don’t believe me.

Rubber Guy: Listen to yourself.

Stage note: at this point the Greek Chorus of the Blogosphere facepalm at unison.

Rubber Guy: Where was the famous CCK? (Note: I think he is referring to the now defunct scene coffee shop in Covent Garden, “Coffee, Cake & Kink”)

Tytania “Sharp Cookie” Gonzales: memo me on my IC profile if you want to check it’s Ms Tytania you are talking to. Up to you.

The Greek Chorus of the Blogosphere rap: Now, can the real Ms Tytania please stand up?

Curtain falls. End of Act One.


Ms Tytania on Filament Magazine

A full page picture and comment on issue no. 7, “The Red Issue”, of Filament – the thinking woman’s magazine.

“Lovely men – Saucy Fiction – Smart reading”

Beautiful publication full of things that interest women who have better things to do with their pretty heads than obsessing over reality TV, celebs or the size of their bottoms. Yet another reaosn not to condemn publication on paper to room 101 yet!

Click on the link below and then on ‘preview to view full screen’ to find me on page 35.

Filament Red Issue no. 7


Ms Slide writes for Bad Feminist magazine

Enjoy her brilliant full article here: Bashing the patriarchy, one scrotum at a time?


Interview for Filament magazine

I’ve just been interviewed for the next issue of Filament Magazine, a magazine for the female gaze. They asked me questions on ” image problems”of professional domination and Femdom in general, Bitchy Jones and my advise to budding Dommes. I had to chop my original replies by half, I have a well formed opinion on thes matters and could have used the whole magazine space for them!

But then, one needs glamourous pictures to go with the article… so I’m now beautifying myself for a photo shoot with Mechaniques Photography this afternoon.


Met "names and shames" sex workers in East London

Found in today’s Gruniad

As somebody who works in East London, I am concerned. According to the article, the Met are ‘cleaning up’ the area in preparation for the Olympics and have been arresting, and then publishing name and pictures on their websites, of women who engage in sex work. All these women pay tax and work independently.

What struck me the most is the last paragraphs: these women have been given ASBOS for being “persistent offenders”, yet what the offense is not mentioned. They work by themselves, they aren’t trafficked nor have been arrested while soliciting… all they do is engage in prostitution part time, voluntarily and discreetly, which in itself isn’t a crime.

I’m quite shocked and angry.

What I find the most shocking is that by the sound of it, these woe=men have been arrested, charged, given an ASBO, named and shamed, for committing no crime. The fact that the police where so persistent on asking them whether they’d been trafficked, only to find that these women have chosen to engage in sex work on a part time basis. And they pay tax. Their only crime is to have chosen a job that in this day and age, is still perceived as sleazy, morally reprehensible and disgusting. But prostitution in itself is not illegal in UK. So why did these women were tarred and feathered and put on the stocks? For being fallen women, of course, and to teach them, and others, a lesson.